Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize