Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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