It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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