Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
