omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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