Umm I'm too high to move.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
