The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
