try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
