I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
