did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
