You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
