just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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