thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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