Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i believe in u and ur pee
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize