P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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