What did we do last night that was yellow?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize