so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Is Oprah even human
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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