zippers are such a cool invention
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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