what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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