I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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