I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
