I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
