Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
