Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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