If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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