ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
