Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
