I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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