I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
