My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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