when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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