his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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