**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
