you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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