dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
