she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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