the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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