dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize