What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
