coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
