: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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