I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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