It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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