So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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