He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize