Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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