Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
