Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
