why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
