the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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