I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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