Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
