The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
