Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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