Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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