What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize