i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
