dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
