remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Randomize
