oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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