You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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