Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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