either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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