you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
