Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
