Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
