I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
