Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(785): View more from Kansas

My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?

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(803): View more from South Carolina

If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?

Fav 22 4622 2007
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(337): View more from Louisiana

Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?

Fav 12 1146 959
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(516): View more from New York

Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA

Fav 2 1469 725
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic

Fav 2 590 457
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(408): View more from California

Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?

Fav 0 682 498
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(734): View more from Michigan

Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.

Fav 1 62 9
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?

Fav 0 54 50
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