My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
