he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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