I just pynch a tree in the face
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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