my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Your penis caused this!
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