i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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