She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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