Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
