i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
