I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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