i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
