i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
