I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
