I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
