Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
