I just threw up on my dentist
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
