god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
