you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
