dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
