I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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