Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I intend to get homeless drunk
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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