She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
