just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
