Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
