I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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